Have you made a New Year’s resolution that you’ve broken?
How did that make you feel?
What often happens if you say you’ll do something, and then don’t, is that you feel:
* You’ve failed…
* You’re useless…
* You don’t trust what you say…
* You feel a victim – weak-willed, out of control…
* You feel disappointed…
* Other people don’t take what you say seriously (EG Your children or spouse may have heard you say ‘I’m going to lose weight’ a hundred times before.)
All in all, broken resolutions, agreements& commitments make us feel pretty rubbish.
There are 2 solutions…
- Make fewer commitments
- Make commitments you make important enough to keep.
When you say you’ll do something, even if you say it half-heartedly, your mind registers this. It lurks there. It can drain your energy.
Be honest – are you going to do what you say? Or is it just an idea that you might get round to one day… when you can be bothered?
Even if the commitment seems a small one – EG, to get to class on time, or not buy chocolate for a week – breaking that commitment is like a tiny grain of niggling sand. Eventually it’ll irritate you to the point of giving you a mental ‘blister’. And what’s a huge beach made up of? individual grains of sand.
What’s not a big deal can become a big deal.
Let’s practice keeping resolutions.
Experiment with making ONE small, tiny commitment that you’ll do your very best to keep in the coming week.
- Imagine I’m offering you a million pounds if you keep it.
- Imagine you’ll lose your home or your kids if you don’t keep it. (Drastic? But it could be effective!)
Tackling commitments like this, one at a time, may help get you clearer – and help you get an experience of success. And please share your experiences with us.
Set realistic, clear resolutions. Ask me if you’re unsure. Or talk to other people who have had a few successes!
Now, for those of you who like a bit of psychology, here are a few reasons why we may have ‘failed’ in the past…
We behave like an Undisciplined Child
If a child is spoiled, it wants whatever it wants right now… and it wants other people to provide it.
We too can believe things should come to us without effort on our part.
The undisciplined child either hopes other people will take care of them - or that their wishes will come true by magic.
I wish I could wave a magic wand & we’d all be fit & healthy, instantly! Sadly, life ain’t like that!
We behave like an Over-Responsible Mother
This type of mother is so focused on the needs of everyone else, she forgets her own needs and aspirations.
This person makes resolutions and truly means to keep them… but something always comes up that seems more important than what she wants.
Relationships, family, jobs, social involvement take precedent over taking care of ourselves.
You don’t even have to be a mum to behave like this. We career women can be ‘slaves’ to our jobs & ambitions in the same way.
We behave like a Controlling Father
This character inside some of us is an over-achiever. He sometimes keeps commitments, but also keeps on the pressure & is a bit of a slave driver.
This pattern often operates as a killjoy. The inner voice tells us that what we do is not good enough.
Accomplishments never meet expectations - they lead to new demands. Even if you do succeed, there may be a sense of, ‘Well, that was too easy!’
You can’t win! This eventually leads to a sense of betrayal, depression and despair, fear of making mistakes and finally a ‘Why bother?’ attitude.
All of these parts exist within us in varying degrees and they are a major cause of our ineffectiveness.
But we’re not focusing on that – WE’RE FOCUSING ON KEEPING OUR RESOLUTIONS!